03 November 2010
I've been up since 4...feels like I've been working around the clock for the past several days (although I did go to bed at 10 last night--felt like winning the lottery!). So, wah. It will all be worth it when the checks roll in, right? (Off the subject--this extra job is bringing in almost EXACTLY what we owe in taxes...how awesome is that??)
I rarely have a 2nd cup of coffee anymore, but I'm sitting here grading and nodding off so I went in to get a refill. (Keep in mind, I got up and brewed the coffee, then James made my coffee and brought it to me--just like he does every day. In fact, I rarely even brew it unless I get up early, which is not every day like it used to be.) I reached for the sugar and, as seems to "always" happen, it's empty. Big deal? Not so much. But me and my OCD tendencies...when the sugar gets low, I refill it. I don't like to run out of things or reach for something and be left hanging. If you've read my posts about saving time, etc. you know that I'm pretty anal about that. So, an empty anything sends me. Right. Over. The. Edge. So, I'm standing there and I'm just ticked off...how could he not SEE that we needed more sugar? (When he was so generously making MY coffee?) Why do I ALWAYS have to refill the sugar? I was hacked off. So I refilled the sugar and made my coffee...and by the time I was done, I was a little embarrassed. Why is my first instinct to be so selfish and judgmental? Is it really a bigger deal for me to refill the sugar than it is for my Boy to MAKE my coffee every single day? Nope. I'm so glad I didn't say anything to him, because you know it wouldn't have been pretty or ended well.
I wanted to write this down because right now my personality is on my mind a lot...what I want to be vs. what I actually AM. I'm selfish, man...it's sad and embarrassing, but true. So much of the time when I have an issue with my Boy, it comes down to that--I'm valuing my time and effort over his, then blaming him. I challenge myself to NOT go with my first instinct today and try to think a situation through before I react/respond.
It might be a LONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG day, right? :)