30 May 2009

Along Came a Spider...

You know it's spring around here when the oak pollen coats our driveway and back porch, and shortly after, the spiders come out.  I have no idea what types of spiders live around our driveway and backyard, but it feels like the kingdom of the spiders around here for a couple of weeks every year.  It can be a bit dicey getting in the car each morning, as you never know if someone's decided to make a web between the fence and the cars overnight, and walking through a spiderweb is pretty well a daily occurrence.  

So, a few weeks ago I noticed a spider that got smart and made her web in my driver's side mirror.  I appreciated her thoughtfulness, as it was the one morning that week I made it into my car without the spider web heebie jeebies.  She was a little spider and didn't bug me, so I didn't bug her.  She did get a bit territorial and try to build a web between the mirror and the window a few times, but after a few trips to Sonic she gave up and focused on the mirror.  Every once in a while I'd see her peek out while I was driving.  Then one morning about a week and a half ago, she brought a leaf into her web and I noticed that she wasn't such a little spider anymore.  Normally I would have had James take care of the spider problem, but she wasn't bothering me at all and honestly, I was curious about what her plans were.  Last weekend on the way home from the beach, my much larger spider friend decided to hang out on the outside of the mirror (James got to see her!)...but I don't know what happened to her, because I haven't seen her since.  Maybe she fell off, or it was just the natural end of her life cycle.  Her leaf is still there, and her web is still intact (that thing has been through TWO car washes!).  I don't have the heart to clean them off just yet.  

Sometimes we see things every day and they become part of the landscape of our lives.  Sometimes we forget to appreciate those things, and to be grateful for them.  Sometimes we overlook them completely, and forget they're even there.  Maybe she was just a spider, but maybe, just maybe she was a wake up call.  

29 May 2009

Busy Week!

Just a fun picture so you can see what I did last night at work--the girls put the table together, but it makes me so happy to see all of those bright colors and great ideas!  Our PPCD team is really coming together, and I am so excited!  Here's the rest of the display...

I know it's been a busy week (couple of weeks, year, you name it!) but it's about to come to an end.  An hour from now, Kayci will be done with Kindergarten.  A week from today, GPISD will be out for the summer (let's not talk extended contract, summer school, any of that...).  Two weeks from today a certain girl's having her first slumber party.  Three weeks from today I'll be at a workshop I've been looking forward to for months.  A month from today we'll be heading to Kansas.

But today, I just AM.  My house is a wreck, my work's in progress...but I'm going to shut it all down and just be Kayci's Mommy for a while and go to the movies with her and some friends this afternoon before we pick up Noble.  The house and work, I can do tonight.  But I can only help her have a great last day of Kindergarten once.

Thanks, Dad, for helping me be less ME this past year, and for teaching me to keep the small stuff small and the first things first.  

Some Teacher Appreciation...

I wanted to do something to thank everyone at Kayci's school for a great Kindergarten experience, and this is one of the KinderCare staff's all-time favorite "happys" from our family, so I rolled it out again.  The note reads something about how we're "SODA-lighted" that Kayci's had a great year, blah, blah...  :)  Oh, and lest you think I'm cooler than I am, it's $1 soda, HEB brand.  I'm funny--I wanted it to say "soda" on the label AND I was too cheap to spend $30 on soda!  $11 bought me 11 6-packs, then a few bucks for ice and we were set!  Not bad when you think that's the equivalent of 66 small gifts...

28 May 2009

Spinning my Wheels

I know we're all busy, so I won't waste our time lining out everything that's on my plate right now.  It's a LOT.  I've got a deadline today--um, in about an hour--and for the past hour and a half I've been flitting around from task to task to task, not completing much at all....I'm spinning my wheels, man.  

I thought if I popped over here real quick and spit this out, maybe I could settle down and power up for the final sprint on this class I'm building.  It still feels like someone's sitting on my chest, though...hmm.  

Funny thought just came to me--when did I stop giving this stuff to God?  I'm not angry about my Dad's cancer or death, or even bitter.  It is what it is.  So why, then, have I quit talking to God?  I still do like when I'm driving or when someone needs a little extra prayer or something, but as a rule, I've quit giving my problems over to God.  Something else to add to my list today, but I suspect THIS one will take the weight off my chest.  Hmm.  

26 May 2009

Wild Hair...

I'll either love it or hate it...looks like another adventure is just starting.

It's been too long!

I can't believe I haven't posted anything in over 10 days...does that tell you how busy it's been around here?  Things won't slow down for another two weeks, but after the first week of June it should just be a normal summer...well, the new normal, anyway!  Things at work--R4 and GP--have been busy, but great.  Things at home have been busy, but great.  We just got back from a 4 day trip to Galveston...which was exactly what I needed.  For the first time since I started working online for Region 4 in August 2006, I did NOT access Blackboard while we were gone.  (Gasp!)  I know, I know...it's shocking.  I still worked on e-mails, etc. but that's nothing compared to what I usually do, so it was really a great break.

So much to say but no time to say it...I'm so excited about the way we're working as a team to improve our PPCD program, and while it's a lot of work, the payoff for our kiddos is going to be just amazing!  And I'm also excited about the projects coming down the Region 4 pike...seriously, I could work for them just about full-time if we could swing it.  It's great stuff!  It's hard sometimes, feeling guilty because I WANT to work--but I also want to be with my kids.  It's a tough balance and I know many mothers are in the same boat.  I'm grateful that I can work the way I do and that even though I work basically full time (money and time-wise), Kayci sees me as a stay-at-home Mom.  She knows that I work, but she SEES me focusing on the family and the house and that stuff...what a great thing!  We'll see how she feels after this summer...Noble will go to school a couple days a week so I can work, and Kayci will have to entertain herself a bit more on those days.  I have faith that we'll figure it out, but it may not be what she's used to.  :)  

Hmm...nothing's gelling, and I won't babble anymore.  Maybe I'll have a complete thought later!

15 May 2009


It's Friday here...usually a day to rush around, getting ready for the weekend or even hitting the road.  But today, we get to stay here in town.  We'll get to stay in town until about lunch time tomorrow, and then we'll head to Houston for back-to-back fun times with family and friends.  But until lunch tomorrow, it's just the 4 of us, here at home.  The plan this evening WAS that James would come home, pick us up, and we'd all go to Lowe's to pick up Daddy's new grill.  (He's so excited!)  But the kids--BOTH kids--fell asleep once we got home and settled down a bit after a very grumpy, quick trip to Wal Mart (now I know why they were grumpy!).  

So I've had half an hour to just BE...I've been sitting here on the couch beside a sleeping baby, looking at a big girl curled up in the chair.  I probably could have finished that last report in that half an hour, but I didn't feel like it--instead, I checked my Facebook page, checked my e-mails, googled something I wondered about...and now, heaven help me, I could curl up and go to sleep, too!

But I won't--James will be home in a few minutes and we'll have a yummy dinner cooked on our new grill (chicken breasts, roasted corn, and grilled zucchini & squash).  And later, after the kids go to bed, we have a "Grey's Anatomy" to watch, and I hear it's SOMETHING.  :)

I was talking to my mom a few minutes ago and she asked if I got everything in the IKEA tubs & put away.  I didn't...honestly, I didn't even get my "paid" work done today.  But you know what?  It's okay--I needed to be a mom today, so I was.  The other stuff, I can catch up on later.  :)

14 May 2009

Graduation Caps

(This is Bakerella's photo...I borrowed it so you'd be sure to go to her site and see what other awesome photos she has...be prepared to stay awhile!!  Thanks, Bakerella!)

I've seen these in Family Fun magazine for years...but never had the occasion to make them.  This year, I'm SOOOOOOOOO doing them for Kayci's Kindergarten graduation next week (no, I have NO idea when I'll do them, but I'm doing them!!!) and I thought you guys might like them for your friends who are graduating, too!

Here's the link to Family Fun, and they also have a video if you're interested: http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/special/feature/famf0600gradcap/famf0600gradcap.html

I'm actually going to make a hybrid of Family Fun's and Bakerella's...will do them on a lollipop stick, with graham tops and green candy tassels: 

Hello, Princess!

 If you read our family blog, you know I've been on a cleaning/organizing kick.  The last step--before a big ol' storage unit clean-up--is to box up Kayci's toys, etc. and store them in the armoire.  So, I've been trying to fit in a trip to IKEA and it just hasn't worked.  I was SUPPOSED to be done with one of my freelance things yesterday...so to reward myself, I planned to hit IKEA on the way out of Houston last night so I could work on that today.  Well, I didn't finish the job so the tubs will have to sit empty, BUT...when I got to IKEA, I had to send James this picture, titled, "Hello, Princess!"  
I figured the awesome parking space was a sign that God approves of my plan...and yes, it was a very satisfying--but quick!--trip to IKEA!  :)  

13 May 2009


I listened to the radio today while I was driving to and from Houston...I rarely do that anymore, and the FIRST song that came on just made me smile.  I thought of James, and how lucky I truly am...

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to stay where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
-Jason Mraz

I heard it again as I drove into town...couldn't wait to see my best friend.  :)  

Feels like summer...but it's NOT

Around here, it feels like summer.  We're eating summer foods...doing summer THINGS.  Yesterday I signed the kids up for swim lessons, and we talked about the summer reading program at the library.  Last night we hung out at the Bogans until almost 9--it was a gorgeous evening, and it just went too fast!  Next weekend we go to the beach (yea!!!)...that REALLY feels like summer.  But before all that, I've got a truckload of work to get done--more of it in Houston than I'd like.  Today's a commute day, and I just have to suck it up and go.  It's one of the good ones, though, as I'm not leaving until after the kids leave for school.  But then there are like, 4 days in a row where I have to be there at 8 AM so I have to leave here at 5 AM...I know, I know, the math doesn't work out but it's just the way the traffic works.  If I leave here after 5:30, it adds an hour to an hour and a half to my 90 minute commute--how crazy is that?  

I really had in my head that I'd finish my course-building job yesterday, work today, write reports and organize the new IKEA tubs I'm getting today tomorrow, work Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in Houston...you get the idea.  I had a plan.  So I guess I'd better get to work on redoing the course-building so I can get it off my plate...

Alrighty.  I've been up for almost 30 minutes and so far, have just checked my e-mail and blogs.  I suppose it's time to get to work.  And decide what I'm going to wear today...that's one of the hardest things about going to "real" work, deciding what to wear.  And ironing--ugh.  :)  

12 May 2009

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Finish Line...

I work as a consultant, so I've usually got about 4 or 5 gigs going at once.  Not a problem...I work on the most pressing assignment, then the next one, then the next one, etc.  When life is busy, as it is here at the end of the school year, it's more important than ever that I keep it all together.  So...I have this big project that's sort of due tomorrow, so I've been hitting it hard these past several days.  The day before it's due, I find out there's been an error...and what I've done must now be undone and redone.  Hmm.

So, I can laugh and move on or I can cry.  But either way, I gotta get it done--if I mess this one up, it'll back into my PPCD work which will back into my weekly reports which will screw up my weekend which will...screw it all up.  Back to the grind, then.

My Symphony

Well, it's William Henry Channing's really, but it's on my mind today...

To live content with small means; 
To seek elegance rather than luxury, 
and refinement rather than fashion; 
To be worthy , not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; 
To study hard, think quietly, 
Talk gently, 
Act frankly; 
To listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; 
To bear all cheerfully, 
Do all bravely, 
Await occasions, 
Hurry never. 
In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common.


11 May 2009

Lipstick Personality

At lunch today with some girls, everyone pulled out their lipsticks as girls do at the end of lunches and we started comparing (well, I didn't have my lipstick, as I'd left my bag in the car...but I didn't feel left out or anything.  Really, girls, don't worry--I was fine.) notes.  
After I dropped James back at work, I pulled out MY lipstick to touch up, and I thought, hmm.  
So I snapped this horrible pic...

...and e-mailed it to the girls along with this. 

If you could see who I lunched with and what their lipsticks looked like, you'd freak out--every freakin' one of these is SPOT ON.  So, I'm curious, what's your #?  

:) k


Do you think GPISD or Region 4 would pay me to just sit and read blogs all day?  Or perhaps there's someone else out there, some kind benefactor, who would pay me to just sit and THINK all day?  Hmm.  The deeper I get into this blogging thing, the more it scares me--there's just SO MUCH OUT THERE on that great big ol' internet.  Thanks, Al Gore.  (She said, tongue in cheek.)

Back to work...

10 May 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope you're all having a wonderful day, whether you have kids in your house today or not!  :) My day has been wonderful...I knew they were planning breakfast in bed this morning, so I was more than happy to oblige them and sleep until they came in with one of my all-time favorites--poached eggs & toast!  James cooked the eggs perfectly, which is no small feat.  :)  Kayci was so excited about breakfast and the cards she made (and bought) and the gift she picked out...for me, that's where the fun is.  She bought "Fireproof", and James bought a new drink dispenser (such a Kristi gift, love it!).  Both very thoughtful and meaningful, of course...James is really good at gifts.  We hung out at home for a while, then decided to go to Jhido's house so the kids could splash and I could have some time alone to work while they were at the splash park...we'll see how that works.  They just left, and so far I've pretty much just googled this cool bowl I saw at HEB earlier today.  James doesn't know it, yet, but we're soooooo going back to get the set...great price!  

Anyway, hope your day is exactly what you wished for!  It's starting to feel like summer around here...Kayci's got FIFTEEN days of school left, can you believe it?  And Noble's school ends the 21st of May, which I just clued into a couple of days ago.  Tomorrow we'll go sign up for swim lessons (for both of them!), ALREADY.  Wow--time's flying by!  Next week is Preston's birthday party, and the weekend after that is Memorial Day at the beach with the Bogans...Kayci's birthday will be here before we know it!  

08 May 2009

More Teacher Appreciation...

This year, Cyndi, Christy and I collaborated and sent each of the 38 LS & PPCD teachers a "happy" package.  Each day was in a bag or an envelope, with the "big" gift on Monday, fun candy gifts Tuesday-Thursday, and the "thoughtful" keepsake-y gift on Friday.  I don't have pictures of the notepads/pens for Monday, but Christy & Cyndi totally bought the cute ones at Wal Mart so I know the teachers loved them! I know, I know...need to clean that lens.  Darn kids!

07 May 2009

A Little Pat on the Back...

This year we've sort of coasted through some of the more secular holidays (Grandparents' Day, missed it...Valentine's Day, pretty much missed it...) but I was determined that we would celebrate our Moms this Mother's Day.  And I am pleased as punch to report that as of 4:26 PM this afternoon (that's right, jealous, we SOOOOOOOO shut down the USPS today...last call!), our Mother's Day cards & gifts are in the mail.  Thoughtful cards and gifts even--homemade.  KID art.  Yep, I'm pattin' myself on the back right now...

Happy Mother's Day!

Here's what Noble's school did for all of the Mommys...go ahead, say, "awww..."

And nope, you can't have one.  James and I will enjoy these while we finish watching "Benjamin Button" tonight...it's a good thing it's RedBox, because it's taken us 3 freakin' days to watch it.  :)  

Too Punny!

James says I'm the queen of puns...he's just jealous because I'm so punny!  I can take pretty much anything and make a happy out of it.  Here are some of the things I've done for teachers and volunteers in the past...

payday  --  you can say just about anything, you deserve it, you don't get paid nearly what you're worth..
100 grand bars  --  kind of like payday, but something like, you're priceless, you're GRAND...
3 musketeers  --  thanks for being part of our team!
snickers  --  thanks for your sense of humor!
pop rocks --  you ROCK!
sharpie marker  --  teachers leave a permanent mark on the lives they touch...
post-it  --  take note...  or something about sticking around...
chalk  --  you can't erase memories, chalk it up to...
crayons  --  there are all kinds of great poems out there about crayons :)
flair pens  --  you've got flair!
dum dums  --  you're no dum-dum...
smarties  --  what a smarty!
apple  --  an apple for the teacher
pudding  --  thanks for pudding your heart & soul into your work, thanks for pudding up with me...
chips  --  you're all that and a bag of chips (ha!)
soda  --  it's soda-lightful to work with you!
mountain dew  --  thanks for all that you DEW
raisins  --  thanks for your help raisin' our kids
tea  --  you're tea-riffic!
lifesavers  -- you're a lifesaver!
riesen -- this one's obvious...substitute for "reason"

06 May 2009


It's Pioneer Woman's 3rd anniversary, so she's giving away these AWESOME Cuisinart food processors.  I really, really want one...Dad's been after me for years to get one (listening now, Dad!) and now that I've found a laundry detergent recipe, of all things that calls for a big one, I'm ready!  So to enter the giveaway, all you had to do was comment by answering the question, what's for dinner tonight?  So I did.

I'm #3858.  And it's STILL GOING.  Or was it 3878?  Either way, seriously--no offense to the two of you who read this with me every day or week or whenever you remember me...but wow.  Now THAT'S a blog.  :)  

Not so shabby...

I read Bren's post a couple of weeks ago about change (apparently she changed her blog look, then changed it back like, immediately--I missed it!) and I was totally, totally on board.  I love my blue & toile background, I thought.  It's ME.  And it goes so well with my Mommygirl picture!  Well...but I never really liked my "playing to learn" background...I couldn't get colors to show up and quite frankly, it was annoying to read it and try to see where comments were, etc.  So anyway, yesterday I came across Red Velvet Art and I loved the vintage look & products on their site.  Maybe I was just having a hankering...but late last night, I somehow followed a rabbit trail and found Shabby Blogs...and I'm hooked!  I love the new look of both of my blogs (ipharaon won't change, it's not that kinda blog) and how easy they are to read.  And how much faster they load, too.  So if you're shoppin', go to Shabby Blogs.  The stuff is free, and there are tons of things I can't even begin to know how to use!  :)  

05 May 2009

Teacher Appreciation

I apologize for the formatting this morning...I got up early to work, but with 2 sick kids, time has no meaning...so I post a bit, comfort a bit, post a bit...you get the idea.  Just roll with it--it's good stuff, just looks ugly.  :)  

Every week, do I say it's one of my favorite weeks of the whole school year?  Because this week--teacher appreciation week--is, hands-down, one of my favorite weeks of the whole school year. Teaching is one of the most rewarding jobs there is, but some will tell you that it can be a thankless job.  From the start of my teaching career, I would often surprise my friends and coworkers with little "happys"...when I saw something that I thought would make someone smile, or when it was a particularly stressful time of year (TAAS, then TAKS, or audit...you know, the times when it's hard to smile!) and definitely, definitely during Teacher Appreciation week.  The thing is, a happy is just that...a little something that's just meant to make someone smile and know that you're thinking of them.  It doesn't have to be expensive, or fancy.  It helps if it's punny, though...you know how I like things to tie together in a neat little bow, and I'm a punny, punny girl.  **Another note here:  as a Resource teacher and then as a PPCD teacher, I think it made a huge difference in my relationship with my general ed. teachers--I always did something for them during Teacher Appreciation week (or during testing, you know...the hard times).  Let's be clear--I wasn't thanking them for teaching my students, because that's their job.  I wanted to recognize their extra efforts, and appreciate our working relationship.  :)  And yep, it's great PR, face it!

So, it's early and I'm rambling.  Let's get back to it, shall we?

As a parent, Teacher Appreciation week is a great opportunity to thank the people who help us raise our kids.  Since Kayci started daycare, we've always done something fun for the teachers, whether it was a small gift every day or a Willow Tree angel at the end of the week...something thoughtful, something fun, something to say, I realize what a difference you make in my child's life and our lives.  :)  

This year, it's been a Teacher Appreciation celebration around here.  A few weeks ago we did an actual celebration for our Paraprofessionals, but it was the week my Dad died so I didn't actually get to go.  Wish I had pictures, though--I'll be honest, I worked hard on the rainbow-y details, from the table covers to the plates to the napkins...wish I could have seen it!  

I've been collecting things for Teacher Appreciation since around December, and some things, like notepads and rulers and other nonperishable stuff I'll just pick up when I find it.  Here's the rundown, so you can see that it's not what you spend, it's truly the thought that counts!  (I won't show you what I did for work, because I don't want to ruin the surprise each day.  For the PPCD & LS teachers, we sent a big envelope with 5 individual gifts, 1 for each day.  The first day is a "big" gift, then each day after that is just a smile and on Friday it's a really thoughtful gift.  Well, I think so--hope you guys love it as much as I do!  It's kind of an appreciation sandwich in an envelope...)

Anyway...here we go.  BISD messed me up--I had stuff for 5 days, but there are only 4 days of school this week because of Maifest.  I'll tell you what the 5th day would have been.  :)  We did 5 gifts each day for Noble, and 2 for Kayci, so that's why there's a pretty wide variety (Noble's are 5 identical, Kayci's vary a bit because I decided at the last minute to do something every day for the para...figured she keeps Kayci safe every day at recess and opens her thermos, so I should say thank you!).  

It's a cliche, I know, but every year I'll do some variation of "Teachers plant seeds that bloom over a lifetime." This year, Noble's taking 5 cans of wildflower seeds tied with flower ribbon (thanks, $ spot!). Kayci's teacher's getting a little sunflower pot & seed kit, and her paraprofessional is getting flower sidewalk chalk. **Target right now has sets of 2 tin tiny buckets or a small tin watering can or a tin tub AND lots of different seeds, pots, etc...great place to put together a little happy or just pick up one piece, like I did. That stuff makes great gardening baskets, though! Last year, they had little felt watering cans, so I bought those for the workers at Kayci's daycare and then put a bag of sunflower seeds in each one. They were cute!

I'm so having a hard time figuring out spacing...sorry, y'all!

This one's a little ehh...but it seemed important this year, as Noble's just started daycare and there have been many tears (his and mine, honestly). It's a kleenex pack with a note that says, "It's such a comfort for us to know that Noble's in good hands at FBCS." Ooh, that would be a good note to go with lotion, hmm? A note about a tear-free year would have been good, but...well, it would have been a lie. :)

Thanks for your "commit-MINT" to (fill in child's name here)'s education!  Cliche, cliche, I know...for Kayci's teacher, Junior Mints (would have been cool for daycare, just realized that), for the para a bag of Andes mints (yum!), and for Noble's school, Wrigley's mint gum.  

This one year at band camp...no, no, that's not right. So, one
year at Cimarron, the PTA gave each teacher a can of peanuts
with a really cool label we made that said "We're NUTS about you!" 
Cans of peanuts are expensive, so...

Okay, I cannot figure this picture out, so just look down and to your right.  That's it, work for it...

I almost forgot--I stumbled across these really cute ABC notepads at Wal-Mart last week! Seriously stumbled...somebody had stacked 7 of them behind some thank you notes. Guess who needed 7 happys? Voila! Just wrote "Take NOTE--we appreciate you!" on these. Quick and nasty, but oh, so cute!

And last but not least, had there been a 5th day, Noble's teachers would have gotten a "Take 5" bar with a note saying "you deserve a break today!" But...there were just the 4 days, so those will come in handy for happys before school's out. What's even better than a happy during this appreciation week? A happy for no reason at all, just to say I CARE! :)

OH! And for Kayci's teacher, the first day we wrote a nice thank you note and put in a gift certificate for a local restaurant that we all love (going there this weekend for James' and my 11th anniversary, actually!). That day for the para, we put in the kleenex pack with a note. :)

There are so, so many things to do to say thank you, I appreciate you, you make a difference...here are a few quickies, you guess what the note would say...I'll post what I would write tomorrow. It's like a quiz!

100 grand bars
3 musketeers
pop rocks
sharpie marker
flair pens
dum dums
mountain dew

See you tomorrow... :)  

Favorite Things

Did I tell you I totally SPLURGED last week?  I would wear these every single flippin' day if I could...they are the most comfortable (and cutest!) shoe I've bought in forever.  Ah, Yellowbox...I resisted you this long, and now I'm totally in your clutches...

04 May 2009

Who I Am...

Today's been a very...introspective, we'll say...day for me.  With two kids home sick, I'm pretty grateful I've been able to get in a day of work (in Houston!) and get in any thinking at all, honestly.  Here's what I've been thinking about:  I am who I am because of where I've been and what I've done, the choices I've made and not made, and I am the person I was raised to be.  Old news, I know.  But the thing is, I can choose--right now, today--to break free of who I thought I should be and be the person I want to be.  Because if I don't change, I'll end up hurting the ones I love the most.  And that's just unacceptable.

It's one thing to know something in your head, and another thing to have someone hold up a ginormous mirror and have you take a good, long look.  I've been okay with the person I saw in the mirror up until today, because you know, she's not bad.  But today I looked a little deeper, and I had a flash of my future relationship with my daughter, and that was enough to make me realize that I have to change NOW so I can change THEN.  

Why blog about this?  Because a lot of us are walking around, exactly the people we were raised to be.  But what if...just what if...you could be more than your parents ever hoped?  What if you could be more than you ever dared dream?  What if you let go of the mirror for a while, and focused not on what you see but what you WANT to see?  Who's stopping us?  Just us.  Because it's easy to be who I am, I've been her for a long time.  Like I said, she's not bad.  But with a little tweaking, she could be pretty awesome...and that's what my daughter deserves.  She deserves to grow up with a mom who's beautiful and happy and not afraid of either, so she can do the same.  She deserves to grow up with a mom who smiles more than she frowns, who accepts more than she criticizes...but who can correct in a loving way when necessary.  She deserves a mom who's willing to do what it takes to be happy, to teach her to be the same in the long run.  She deserves me, only better.  

The image that kept coming to me on the drive back to Brenham today was a caterpillar.  On it's own, not bad--cool little thing, really.  But not living up to its full potential, and that's sad.  If a caterpillar KNOWS it can be a butterfly and chooses to remain a caterpillar...it's just wrong.  Not knowing is one thing, but knowing and ignoring is wrong.  

Hmm.  If you're still with me, you'll agree that I probably need a nap.  The day started at 3 AM, and I think the past few really emotional days are catching up with me.  It's probably a good thing I had to beg off from Bunco tonight--I probably wouldn't be a lot of fun.  You know when you start REALLY looking at your life and seeing it, for the first time in a long time, if ever?  It's addictive...I want to be more than I am, but first I have to accept who I am and why.  And there's forgiveness to be given and received, all around.  

Dave Ramsey talks about changing your family tree, by raising kids who buy what they can afford instead of what they want, save, etc.  It's a huge paradigm shift, and before we were DR fans we thought it was oh, so pretentious that people would dare to say things like that.  But today I realized that we all have the potential to change our family tree.  Our parents (well, I hope your parents are like this, too!) want more for us than they had, and we want the same things, too.  But too often we get stuck emotionally in living the way we were raised, good or bad...and I think, truly, we all SHOULD change our family trees.  Maybe pick just one thing we want our kids to do better than we do, and work on changing it in ourselves so our kids can see it.  Maybe we'll hug more, yell less (or hey, what about not at all?  Okay, very little...), play more, run less, enjoy more, worry less...you get the idea.  It's pretty interesting to think of what a very small change to our M.O. could do to our children's future...and their own parenting.  Pretty powerful stuff for a Monday.

Sigh.  Think I'll grab a quick nap while Noble's down (not without much protesting) and Kayci's "resting" in front of the TV (she's got a fever, he's at the tail-end...yea!).  A lot on my mind...been feeling the last few days like I'm on those stupid diet pills again.  If I'm gonna be all emotional, shouldn't I have the added benefit of the weight loss?  Hmm...maybe I'll call Dr. Z.

Hee hee.  Just kidding, boy.  I'll pull it together soon.  Just sifting through things in my mind, trying to make sense of it all.  

01 May 2009

13 Years...

13 years ago today, right after the Sammy Awards (I won a Sammy but was sad because I thought I'd rather have the silver platter...turns out, I've gotten tons of mileage out of that Sammy Award!), I got a phone call from James.  We'd been best friends for a while and after I broke up with Steven we'd flirted with each other a LOT and been out for drinks more than I'd care to admit.  (I broke off that engagement, btw, thinking I'd see what it was like to be single for a while, perhaps sow some wild oats...)  Anyway, that night my best friend asked me if I would date him.  I don't remember exactly how he asked, but I do remember getting off the phone and thinking I must be the luckiest girl in the world.  And you know, I still am.

Happy anniversary, boy.  Thanks for a great love story, and a wonderful life.  I'm a happy girl.  :)