Mirror Image

It's been an eye-opening experience, being back in the gym again for the first time in YEARS. I've had to face myself in the mirror, literally. Jonathan, our trainer, makes me watch in the mirror to make sure that I'm exercising correctly and so I can learn the form for when I'm on my own. Yesterday I did a set in front of the mirror and then when I turned away out of habit, he made me turn back. It wasn't a big deal, as deals go, but something fell into place. I realized that I don't ever LOOK at myself. I look at bits and pieces of me, whatever part I'm dressing or making up or whatever, but I don't every step back and look at the whole picture. That realization hit pretty hard. Over the past couple of weeks, so many truths have come to light about me and my body and how I've straight up neglected it and abused it for the past 7+ years. Longer than that, really. If we're being honest. Which I've decided to be--you've seen me. One day last week we did an inverted pose in yoga and I put my hands on my waist to steady my trunk. It was squishy. Like, it kind of grossed me squishy. And this is what James feels every day? Poor guy! That moment was a low point, but it made me realize that I've just ignored the parts of my body I haven't wanted to deal with. Legs getting cottage cheesy? Wear capris, not shorts. Post baby stomach? Longer, looser shirts. You get the picture--you girls have done it, too, I'm sure. I just haven't LOOKED at myself and seen the REAL me that you all have seen the past several years. I've ignored the wobbly bits that my husband sees every day. So this whole looking in the mirror thing has been eye-opening for me on so, so many levels.

Yesterday I kept my first food log since Quick Weight Loss back in 2005. Get this--I thought I had a GOOD day. I had my one cup of coffee in the morning (turns out with the milk and sugar, there's 100 calories) and water the rest of the day. I skipped the sausage in my breakfast burrito. I made a healthy salad for lunch. And here's where it gets dicey...after lunch, I was hungry. So I ate a couple of pieces of celery while I worked. Still hungry, so I grabbed a string cheese when I went to pick up the kids. Still hungry...so at dinner, I had a second serving of turkey goulash. And then ate a piece of Noble's bread. I didn't snack or have a beer or anything after dinner because I knew that second portion blew it for me (did I mention, Jonathan's going to review my food logs next Monday? Um, yeah.). This morning I added it all up...and get this: 1874 calories. If I'd had the sausage for breakfast, that would have been another 230 calories, putting me over 2000. Yes, I worked out for 2 hours yesterday, but I did NOT burn that many calories. Holy crap! I'd cry if it weren't so freakin' funny. I thought I'd done WELL yesterday, other than the second serving. I was hungry, for pete's sake!

So, here's the good news: I feel better after a couple of weeks of steady yoga and workouts. I'm on track to feeling like the old me again. I haven't known that girl in a long time, so I'm curious to see how she'll fit into my new, grown-up Mommy life. So far, she's taking away my blog and Bachelor time each week. Dammit.

Back to work...bet you're counting your calories right now, aren't you?

In His Shoes

As we head into Valentine's week (yep, it's a whole week now, didn't you hear?), how we show love has been on my mind a lot. It's easy to love on my kids and my boy, but there's a lot to being loving and showing them kindness and love.

Yesterday right before James left for his SuperBowl party we were frantically running around trying to make the house decent for our dinner company, and I found myself starting to fuss at him over leaving the coffee filter, etc. in the coffee pot instead of cleaning it out that morning. Silly, right? There's no other word--I was fussing. That's even sillier! Things undone drive me NUTS--it's the OCD that hounds me. So as I started to bring it up to him, I stopped...and put myself in his shoes. He has made coffee every day for the last week or so, where we usually switch off. He hasn't said anything, he's done it gladly and even made my coffee most days. He's spoiled me. So, why does it matter if I have to throw away the filter and rinse the carafe? Really--DOES it matter? Did it matter enough for me to "correct" him last night? Nope. That was MY issue, not HIS. So I stopped myself. And I told him what I had planned to say and why I stopped, and thanked him for making coffee without complaint. It was such a small thing--but those small things, when left unchecked, can add up to big resentments.

So that's my challenge this week, girlfriends--let's check ourselves before we fuss at our boys and our kids. I think there's a happy week on the horizon at my house...I really, really need to take my own advice when it comes to Kayci. She's been experimenting lately with a little sass and some clothing choices that I wouldn't choose, and I need to keep my mouth shut as she's not hurting anyone and she's still totally appropriate. It will be a challenge for me, but the payoff is worth it. Wish me luck!

Macdazzled!

I got out my laptop this morning to catch up on a report...and laughed.

When I opened said laptop to post some family pics on the blog (go check it out if you just read this on Facebook...www.ipharaon.blogspot.com), along came the undazzler.

My MacBook is bedazzled no more. :( Oh, well.

Happy Sunday, friends! If you drive by today, say happy birthday to Sami Dog--she's 15 today!

Really Random Friday...

I can't believe it's been a week since I posted something. It's not that nothing's happened...maybe it's just that too much is going on. Ever get like that? This was one of "those weeks"--lots of Dad memories (fire was a year ago Friday, his last surgery was a year ago Tuesday, this week a year ago we were living in a hotel and furniture shopping for their new apartment...crazy, huh?). I'm learning that when times like this roll around, I tend to head into my head until things settle down again. Which, in turn, makes it nearly impossible to be productive and happy and all of the things I'd like to be on a daily basis. But, here I am on the other side. Hope I stick the landing...

On a lighter note, a year ago this week I was working to finish a big Region 4 project and spending lots of time in the hotel room on my laptop. I finally bit the bullet, sitting there, and joined Facebook. I got a lot of flak for my first profile picture since it was turned the wrong way (thanks, Keely, for pointing it out...repeatedly!), so I snapped a pic in Photobooth. I loved this picture!

Last Sunday we met Nana, Dan & Celena for lunch. We went to Cypress Station, which we've been meaning to try for forever. It was a really great restaurant--we'll definitely go back! Afterwards, we went over to Target (of course), and there was a Wii Fit tent in the parking lot. We decided to go check it out, and they were giving away $15 Target gift cards just for playing a Wii Fit game. Isn't that cool? We took our $30 like giddy little schoolgirls and skipped into the store. Since it was free money, we decided to buy something we wanted but didn't need. But...then we walked by and they had a fun Julius bathing suit in Kayci's size, and since they go so fast, we decided to grab it. And then they had Noble's suits and rash guards out, so we picked that up, too (rash guards sold out FAST last year!). So, not exactly what we'd envisioned but it was fun to have money to play with (we probably wouldn't have ponied up the $30 for bathing suits this week...and regretted it next month when we were ready to buy them and they were gone). Oh, Target. What would we do without you?? You bring us such joy...and great stuff. I've been meaning to talk to you about the dollar spot, though--does it seem like they're paring it waaaaaaaaaaaaay down, or is it just me? Worrisome!

Monday I had a big day--messed up on my schedule and ended up accidentally spending the whole morning at the gym. Long story. But good workouts--all freakin' 3 of them. And yes, I hurt on Tuesday. A lot. It messed up my schedule, since I had to be in Houston that afternoon for a meeting. So anyway, after the marathon morning I ran into WalMart to grab something I needed for dinner...and they were marking down their toy clearance. I was SHOCKED at the stuff they had for $1, $2, $3...suffice to say, Noble's birthday presents are bought...along with every other kid we know for the next year. Seriously--crazy, crazy good deals. I literally had a cart full of stuff and spent just a little more than our monthly gift allotment. (So worth it!) Yesterday we were talking about it at MOPS, and when I went to go get dog food later I ran into a friend of a MOPS friend with a cart full of Hasbro stride to rides...with her Hasbro printable coupons, they were FREE. This is the thing Mom & Dad bought Noble for Christmas last year...it was hard to find and $25 at the time. Crazy, right?? But good for them--the ladies that coupon like that give a LOT of stuff away to charity...it's really a cool thing that they do. I admire them, but I'm not ready to jump on that bandwagon just yet. I think it could be a big time drain...like Facebook, but with free stuff. :)

What else? It's been a good week around here. I only went to Houston TWICE--down from the last few weeks. Kids are awesome, James is a happy boy (he got a new lens this week for his new personal camera, then yesterday his new Mac arrived at work...he is a SERIOUSLY happy boy!). We've been lucky to spend quite a bit of time with friends this week and this weekend we get to go out to the Bogans' for Addie's birthday...looking forward to that. We'll probably post pictures on our family blog, as it's a dress-up Pirates and Princesses party. Kayci can't wait!

Work is going really well; there's lots of cool stuff on the horizon. I have a to-do list a mile long, so hopefully I'll knuckle down and get stuff done today. After yoga. :) Two weeks ago today, James was home with a messed-up back. He's done a lot better since the shots this fall, but he overdid it at the Conference and was paying the price. His doctor recommended yoga, so we tried it...and he loved it! Now, several years ago when Lauren and I went to yoga almost every day he tried it and did NOT love it, but he was such a gym rat back then I think it was just not enough of a workout for him. :) But it was really good for his back, and once he got over the stretching in a room full of people, he enjoyed it, I think. I enjoyed it so much, I walked right out and signed up to join the gym, which I've been considering for...oh, the almost 4 years we've lived here. I just did it--it's time.

I think that's where my "online" time has gone, to the gym. While that's good in a lot of ways, I'll find a balance so I can still blog. I miss it! I find myself driving, writing blog posts in my head that I'll never publish. Do you do that? I even snapped a picture while I was sitting in traffic Wednesday night of the sea of taillights before me. It was beautiful...and frustrating. 3 hour drive home because of the rain and wrecks, can you believe it? I was grateful, though, that I made it home safely and in time for bedtime stories.

Yesterday was MOPS, which is always fun. I baked mini sopapilla cheesecakes which turned out really well (so much for modest--I loved them!). Last night was Kayci's Daisy Girl Scout meeting, and I baked cupcakes and set out frosting and about a bajillion different sprinkles for them. About 30 seconds into the melee, I realized that I'd made a tactical error, and perhaps "make your own pizza" would have been better. The girls were WIRED and loud and crazy...but it was awesome. This may be our only year in Girl Scouts, the way things are going, so my goal is to have fun and make it memorable for the girls. So far, so good, I think.

Today my agenda is report, yoga, personal trainer, laundry, curriculum, report...work, work, and more work. But it's good stuff. I woke up this morning thinking, one more work day then it's the WEEKEND. I'm looking forward to 2 days with James and the kids. I'm not sure what the kids and I are going to do during the SuperBowl...we might hang out with one of the Dude's families. We'll see. Who knows--maybe we'll have a quiet Sunday evening at home!

Alrighty...time to hop in the shower. Yes, I shower BEFORE I go to the gym. You've seen my hair, right? :)

Hope you have a fun Friday!

Guest Post!

This week, our friends at Today's Housewife have been talking about cleaning out closets/organizing. I shared my most shameful secret--go check it out. And go ahead and gloat a bit...it'll make you feel SOOOOOOOOOO much better about your worst closet! :)

http://todayshousewife.blogspot.com/

Right this moment...

...all is as it should be.

Kayci and Noble are sleeping peacefully.

The house is quiet.

I'm caught up on my work & personal projects--there's still stuff on my to-do list, of course, but I don't look at "in progress" as "not done" anymore. I can live with that.

Today we paid off the rest of our debt to ourselves...we borrowed $$ from ourselves to fix my brakes last month and to buy shelves for the office. Feels good to have put it all back in exactly one month! I will rest easier tonight knowing the money is back in case we need it again--this whole living on cash thing is awesome, but there are times when I long for the ease of passing the buck to my old friend Discover. Oops...I said it.

Of course I have to get up at 4 AM tomorrow, so I'm wide freakin' awake.

Hmm.

What to do, what to do?

Oh, yeah.

Don't even act like you don't watch it.

Brand New Day

So I had the blahs yesterday. Poor James had the misfortune to ask me at lunch what was wrong...so I told him. Which was of course, the equivalent of tinkling in his Cheerios. But we put it aside and went on with our days, and had a great family evening after he got home from work (went for a walk in the neighborhood, came home and played outside and grilled chicken, had a nice dinner, read books together...good stuff). Then after the kids were asleep...and we both woke up, as the last story put us ALL to sleep, we finished our conversation. And yes, while it sucks to hear that perhaps, just maybe, there's a remote possibility that there are some things we each could change about how we communicate, etc., it's also SUCH a great feeling right after a good air-clearing (even when nothing is BAD, it's good to talk it out).

This morning I woke up feeling like the sky's the limit, all's right with my world. It's a good thing. Have I been ultra productive? Um, yes and no. I've gotten a lot crossed off my to-do list, but I haven't actually ADDED the hamper full of laundry to said list because I don't know when I'll have time to do it. Maybe tonight after kids go to sleep...I don't know. I have a bunch of work stuff to wade through today, 4 dozen cupcakes to bake, a guest blog to write and Library storytime to attend. A typical Tuesday! :) But, I did take some time this morning just for ME...my friend and I got into the habit of meeting for coffee every Tuesday, and we let it slide around Christmas when things got so busy. Since then we've both had busy husbands and sick kids...you know, lives...and we haven't visited much. I got a wild hair this morning and called her to see if I could catch her before she went home after school drop-offs, and I did! We had such a nice visit...you know, a visit with someone who GETS what makes you seem crazy to everyone else? In our case, we have a little OCD in common, mixed with a desire to be good people, wives and mothers. So it was good to visit with her and catch up and just...be me for a while. Next week we're going to mix it up--instead of meeting for coffee, we'll spend that hour walking somewhere. Who's in? :)