The End of the Book

Today was the last meeting for our Esther Bible Study. I'm not gonna lie-I've been looking forward to this day for the past couple of weeks. My plate is full, and even though it's full of good stuff...it's full. I thought it would be a relief to let go of this responsibility...but I sure cried when that DVD ended. Oh, Beth Moore, I'm going to miss you.


I've learned so much about myself through this study. I've been convicted most recently about my relationship with my Boy-while I realized I wasn't always respectful, I didn't realize how often I was disrespectful. And selfish and controlling. Ouch. I've been convicted about work in ways that I can't really articulate here. I'll say that for the first time since 2005, I entered the second semester able to see fall semester very clearly...no anxiety about will I go back, will they take me back, do I want to go...I do. I'm excited. And it feels good. This is huge for me. I've also been convicted about my role at home. We live the way we do so I can be here for James and the kids. I was out of balance, but I'm working on that, too. I needed an attitude adjustment about some of the simple things that need doing around the house: dishes, laundry, that stuff. Consider it adjusted. :)


Before we started, ladies told me Esther would be life-changing. I didn't believe them. 2 months in, a job offer changed everything, but I still didn't believe. When I started evaluating and reevaluating everything...I still didn't believe. When my heart turned back toward my home, I thought it was coincidence. When my heart softened toward my husband, I figured it was time. But looking back, my life is so much better than it was when I opened my Bible and re-read those 10 chapters. I see now that Esther is so much more than the story of a poor orphan girl who's pretty enough to become a queen. It's about the woman she became, and the choices she made. For a time such as this...Lord, help me to be what You are calling me to be. Help me to be courageous when I need to be bold, and patient when I need to wait. Help me to find the beauty in the mundane, and to do everything for Your glory and not my own. Thank You for all of the discomfort if the past several months, and for the growth. Thank You for the ladies who took this journey with me, and encouraged all of us along the way. Bless them as they continue the work You've started in their hearts, lives, and families. You know the ones who are crying out for You, and for peace. Help them stand strong and hold fiercely to You. You know the ones who ought to be crying out but are doing it heir own way. Help them step back and see Your way is always better. You know the ones who are ready to lead, Father. Help them step up. We know You are with them every step of the way. Amen.