Procrastinating

I've got a big work project due today. (Um, yeah, and I'm not working right this second, I know.) Last night I was talking to my mom about what's on our plate this week and I mentioned that there was a big last-minute change to the project, which in the past would have given me an excuse to ask for an extension and procrastinate a little longer. But I'm determined NOT to do that anymore, and I told her that I'm still going to get the project done today. She paused and said something to the effect of, "you're really...handling your work differently these days." It wasn't a negative, just a comment. But it made me think, and I told her that I have changed when it comes to my work. I've been out of the classroom for almost 5 years now. The entire time, I've had a hard time finding the right balance--I tend to be all in with work, or all in with home, but I suck at keeping priorities straight and doing what I need to do when I need to do it. I've always got a million balls in the air, and in the past 5 years, I've dropped a lot of them. More than I'm proud of. I've missed some MAJOR work deadlines, and I'm certainly not proud of that. I can honestly say that I've not turned in any projects that I'm less than proud of...but I'm way less than proud of how long it took to produce some of those projects. One thing I rock at? Finding excuses. Hmm, do any of these sound familiar?

-Can't do that right now...we're remodeling and the house is just crazy.

-Running behind...James is commuting 3 hours a day and things are just crazy.

-Just getting settled in Brenham...things are crazy.

-I spend part of the week in Houston...things are crazy.

-I'm sick...things are crazy.

-Just had surgery...things are crazy.

-I'm pregnant...things are crazy.

-On bed rest...things are crazy.

-Just had a baby...things are crazy.

-Grandma just died...things are crazy.

-My dad's sick...things are crazy.

-The baby's sick again...things are crazy.

You get the idea--the rest is recent history. When school started this year, I decided that I'd start with a clean slate. I've been setting office hours and sticking to them. I've been turning in work on time (even reports!) and doing my best to stay ahead of the game. But I've also been spending time in the moment, with my kids, with James...keeping the house up...making big and little days special for my family...doing all the things I LOVE to do for them and with them. I couldn't have done this before now, for whatever reason. I'm grateful for my renewed sense of purpose, and for the balance I'm seeking each day.

There's always something extra that comes along that puts me off-balance...and that's okay. That's life. I readjust (sometimes after whining a little...or a lot!) and move on. I'm learning. I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and today is all I can work on, so I need to BE here and enjoy it.

Gotta go--I gave myself until 9 to take kids to school, run a couple of errands, eat breakfast, check e-mail and blog a bit. I'm totally cheating, though--I'm listening to "The Bachelor" in the background. Shh--don't tell me how it ends! (Mom, I can't talk to you until I finish watching it--you always give it away!!)