Pace Check

Today on my calendar, there's a big, bold note: DEADLINE. The course I'm writing is due today, but of course, the past two weeks of craziness have gotten in the way and I've just cancelled the meeting. Sigh. I hate, hate, hate missing deadlines...it's so unprofessional. This is the hard part of living a dual life: sometimes, they can't exist side-by-side. They overlap and one gets in the way of the other and it gets messy. A couple of years ago, I would have let the house go to seed and pawned Kayci off on Grandpa (or just worked while she watched TV or played, good parenting, right?) and just put life on hold until I got the project done. But I don't have that kind of drive anymore. I don't know if drive is a good word. I am driven to do well and succeed, and I won't turn in anything that I'm not proud of, but at the same time, I can't put work first. Not everyday. And this past week? No way could I have missed the funerals or time with the family. I'm just not built that way. And so here I am, with all of these icky negative feelings that come with missing a deadline--it's embarrassing and not how I want people to think of me. But it's done, and now it's time to push on and get the project done.

Last night one of my instructors needed me to fill out a 7 Habits checklist for her for a training she's doing today. I had to laugh--she sent the e-mail at 9 pm and it was due by 10 pm. Made me think of my situation a little. But as I filled it out, I found myself feeling a little ashamed that if someone were filling one out for me, they wouldn't be able to put punctual, manages time...and that sucks, because I pride myself on being dependable and organized. So I need to take a step back and reevaluate some things, how I'm utilizing my work time. Okay, that's a load of crap...I don't have work time, for the most part. So I need to MAKE some. That oughta do it.

As an online instructor, one of the things I regularly is send out a Pace Check to either my instructors or students, depending on my role that cycle. A Pace Check is just a quick, hey, great work on A, you should be on B now...blah blah.

This morning, Noble and I dropped Daddy off at Germania and then walked over to the Credit Union to get some cash. At that point in the day, I was still working under the assumption that we'd get home, I'd do something with him and then I'd work my tail off to get ready for today's meeting. I knew I'd still be short, but I was determined to just be DONE. But as we meandered down the sidewalk, chasing leaves, picking up rocks, climbing the wall to walk by the fountain, observing doodlebugs...it hit me that I wasn't going to make the deadline today. I could try, and make myself and Noble pretty miserable in the process. I could have told him to "hurry up!" or even better, picked him up so I could walk faster. I could have skipped the chit chat with the lady in the Credit Union and gone right back to my car and my schedule. But I made a choice to humble myself and apologize for missing the deadline (and commit to working my BUTT off for the next couple of days to actually finish it!) and just move on.

What's cool is that after we went to the grocery store, we popped over to the Headleys' to drop something off. I think Paula could see how anxious I was, and she invited Noble to stay and play for a while so I could come home and work. I accepted on the condition that I could watch her boys while she has a lunch meeting today, so that worked out perfectly. I came home and e-mailed my supervisors about the project and heard back pretty quickly...they're not nearly as stressed about the deadline as I am, thank GOODNESS! So I thought I'd be relieved, but not yet. I need to let go and move on with my day, reevaluate my plans and schedule this week and make it all work. Right.