A Different Perspective

Once we resolved to be, and live, debt-free, our lives changed. I can't look at life the same way anymore, whether it's a big something like buying a house or a car or a little something, like buying clothes before the bills are paid. Something else has changed, too, and I just realized this tonight...here's the back story: I have a contract with a district that I HAVE to fulfill by 6/30. No ifs, ands or buts about it. As I've worked today I just keep thinking, one more hour, X dollars down...and I realized that it's like the time that I owe them is a debt. So yeah I want to go to read a book or go to bed...but I want to be debt-free more.

Observer

Yesterday we took the kids to Haitham's to swim. I did something I never, ever get to do...I sat and watched. It was fun to just observe my little family, and enjoy the sun. Of course I wasn't prepared to just "sit"...no book or magazine. Luckily, Kayci finished her book on the way into town so I read an old favorite while I sat there.

Sidebar: I think it's so cool that she's ready to read some of the chapter books I read at her age...and I love the language Beverly Cleary uses (you know, she says "cross" instead of grumpy, "quarrel" instead of argue--fun!).

Back to the original post...it was fun to be an observer and just people-watch. It reminded me how nice it is to stop DOing every once in a while and just...BE. Good advice for myself as we head into Birthday Week! (Can you believe Kayci will be SEVEN in just 4 days?)

Have a great week!

Soundtrack of our Life

Tonight I got to go on a real, live date with my boy. Babysitter? Check. Dinner out? Check. Great conversation? Check. Movie about a band...wait a second. So I wasn't crazy-excited about going to see the Rush documentary ("Beyond the Lighted Stage"). But I WAS excited to have some alone time with my boy, and I figured I'd just grin and bear it during the movie. Sitting there, though, I was reminded of when we were dating and Rush was often on in the background whenever we were in James' car or at his apartment...they were his favorite band, and beyond a mention in someone's Humanities project (Alf--was it you?), I'd never heard of them. But over the years I've really come to respect the group and like their music (well, okay, some of it). After watching the movie and seeing that they really are just nerds who love to make music, I think I like them even more. I know that I definitely like the feelings that I remember when I hear their music, and I'll never forget going to my first Rush concert with James. Are you ready for this? I fell asleep. Seriously. If you're familiar with Rush, you know there ain't nothin' soothing about their music...it was just a wild time in my life when I ran myself ragged and tended to fall asleep whenever I finally got still. Oh, wait, that's most times in my life, right. :) I get a chance to redeem myself in a couple of months, though...James is way excited that we'll get to see Rush, ZZ Top & Tom Petty back to back. I'm pretty excited, too--2 hot dates! Anyone wanna babysit?

PS--Highly, highly recommend the movie. I didn't even get up to use the restroom, if that tells you anything--it hooked me from the start and I just never felt like getting up--even after I poured coke all down the front of my dress. Then, in trying to clean that up, I dropped and spilled my ENTIRE bag of chocolate covered almonds. It's a gift, friends, what can I say?

Late Bloomer

More on the flowers, I know. So, I've used this week (James being out of town was a great excuse) to focus on my kids and step back from some of the work stress. I needed some perspective, and to rediscover my positive attitude and find my motivation, all that stuff. I have enjoyed the mini-vacay, I won't lie. Yesterday James headed home, and it was time for me to face my work reality again. So I did. I had a text conversation with my supervisor (you'd be surprised how much you can say that way!), and then I had a long conversation with my partner in crime and we talked out things from this year, talked about things for next year. And I hung up the phone feeling 100% better and refreshed and ready to face the challenges ahead.

I was reminded of this when the kids and I woke up this morning to find that one of our flowers had bloomed into this gorgeous orange beauty. When we bought the flowers, all of the arrangements had a few that were yet to bloom. I assumed that the blooms would just be one of the other flowers in the arrangement, and I wasn't all that excited about it. When we saw this beautiful bloom, it so exceeded anything I could have expected or imagined. And this made me think about what's been going on at work, and where we are right now. Sometimes when you look at something for so long, you just assume it's one thing. But when you turn your back, and then look again...you see it's something completely different. Or when you look at it through someone else's eyes, you see that it's more beautiful than you could ever have imagined on your own.

That's where I am right now with one of my jobs. It was time to step back and look--not at what I expected to see after looking at it for so long--at what it IS. It's not what it used to be, and it's not what I had hoped it would be after the last year's work. It is what it is, and while unexpected, it's going to be better than I could have imagined on my own. Hear that, team? We've got our work cut out for us, but we're in it together.

Fun with Flowers

I recently inherited, for lack of a better word, an awesome silver tray. I didn't want to put it right into storage...so I let it sit out on my table for a few days while I contemplated it. Since it's me we're talking about, I have about a zillion canning jars sitting around for absolutely no reason, so I gathered up several different sizes and types and grouped them on the tray, then let the kids pick a flower arrangement to cannibalize. (I would have gone white and green, I think, but this is fun--Noble sat at the table with me and put the flowers into the jars...Daddy will be so proud that he has yet another awesome wife talent!).

PS**Kayci started gymnastics yesterday! Check out the post on our family blog--I'm so proud of her. And I love, love the giraffe leotard SHE picked out. I promise, I didn't influence her choice a bit.

Only Me...

So, I didn't sleep well last night...too much on my mind, ready to be home with my Boy. I woke up this morning when I heard a huge crack of thunder and laid there for a while, then thought, you know, I'm just laying here awake, I ought to get up and do my report. Thinking I'd get up at like 5:00. So I get up and get ready to work...2:59.

Only me. So I'm up.

And looking forward to taking a nap with the kids when we get home this afternoon. :)

A Reminder

Today was a rough day, work-wise. I finished up the day feeling all sorts of useless and questioning my role...questioning if it's worth continuing. I haven't answered those questions, yet, and truth be told, it's all still churning.

Then, as if I wasn't already bummed enough, I was running an hour later than I'd told my Mom. Noble was getting fussy and I was ready to be with my kiddos. To make up for the hour, I told Mom I'd run through Sonic and get everyone a drink. 15 minutes later, I was still there. At the 20 minute mark, I called the girl again. At the 25 minute mark, the carhop arrived...with someone else's order. At the 26 minute mark, I left. (The guy's argument? "It's that time of day...and the rain doesn't help." Um, it wasn't raining.) See...still all churny and stuff.

By the time I pulled up to Mom's house, I was just...done. Then I looked up and saw my Bubby in the window. He saw me and started waving and smiling, and smiling and waving...the pure JOY on his face was priceless. When I got out of the car I could hear him, "Mom Mom! Mom Mom here!" (It was really too cute and too sweet...but when he realized I was trying to take a picture instead of coming inside, he was confused. Poor kid!)

And for a while, at least until the next work phone call that got it all churning again, I was reminded that what makes me happy is right here...what I live for, right here. Work is just work--99% of the time, I'm so grateful to do something I love and am passionate about, with people I love. The other 1%, like today, I wish I didn't HAVE to work, that I could focus 100% on my family. Then the bad day will pass and my world falls back into balance...that's what I'm praying for tomorrow.

Right now, I'm going to close the computer and watch "Toddlers and Tiaras" with my big kid while the little kid snores here beside me. Tomorrow night, if all goes well, they'll be in their own beds and I'll be cuddling with my Boy. :) I can't wait. And I also can't wait until this melancholy passes and I'm back at 100% loving my job. It'll come...