Kayci Journal 6-18-03
So we went in to Dr. Thompson’s office this afternoon at 3pm
for our final prenatal appointment.
After sitting in the little room for what seemed like three hours (it
was actually on two and a half), Dr. Thompson came in to see us. She did her thing down there under the
sheet and said that Kristi was 3cm dilated. Cool. But she
was concerned because Kayci hasn’t been very active the last couple of days and
there was something about a lack of membranes.
Then all of a sudden an ultrasound machine appeared. Dr. Thompson looked inside and said
that there wasn’t much fluid left in there and that there might be a slow
leak. She couldn’t tell much so
she decided to send us over to the hospital to monitor Kayci’s heartbeat and to
do a more precise ultrasound.
So we went over to the hospital and they hooked Kristi up to
some machines. It was like a
little baby seismograph. We
watched Kayci’s heartbeat and Kristi have some little contractions. The best part was that we got to watch
VH1.
Then we went down to Radiology and they looked around with
the ultrasound. This ultrasound
was nothing like the last one in February. No real baby parts- just lots of blobby things. That’s not exactly true. We did see her hand clutching her
little foot, which was still right in front of her face. In fact, it was so much in front of her
face that we couldn’t get a good look at her face.
So the radiologist called Dr. Thompson, and she decided that
it would be best for Kayci to be born tonight due to the lack of fluid in the
uterus.
WE’RE GETTING OUR BABY KAYCI TONIGHT!!!!
It’s actually kind of weird because in the baby journal on
today’s date there’s a little picture of a ladybug. We joked about how ironic it would be if she were born today
because of that. Also, it’s Kristi’s
half-birthday. Today is the day
that she always wished was her birthday growing up and now it looks as if Kayci
will have that birthday.
The next several hours are really a blur. It seems like only about 15 minutes,
but as I’m writing this, Kayci is four hours old and it’s almost two in the
morning.
The nurses took Kristi off for her epidural and I stayed in
a little room to watch TV. They
gave me some paper scrubs to wear, which was cool. I looked just like a really frugal doctor. I could almost feel my net worth
increase as I put the scrubs on.
Anyway, they told me that the epidural would take about 20-30 minutes
and that they would come and get me when I was time. I had time to watch a whole hour long documentary on Garth
Brooks while I waited. I went out
to the waiting room at one point to talk to my dad and Kristi’s parents and I
honestly thought, “well hell… I missed it. They probably came to get me and I wasn’t there. They’re probably delivering Kayci right
now and I’m sitting here missing it, learning about Garth Brooks." As time went by, I started to get really
nervous. Finally a nurse came down
and got me. It was time! I only remember being flustered. In fact, I was so flustered and shaky
the entire evening that I was having trouble speaking in complete sentences. I’m glad the parking attendant spoke Neanderthal
because I basically just pointed and grunted.
Being there in the delivery room was a really strange
experience. I walked in and there
was Kristi, lying on the operating table with lots of doctor-type people all
around her, including one guy sitting behind a big computer and the machine
that goes “BING!” It was really
weird because no one gave me any instruction at all- not where to stand, not
when to take pictures, not to quit playing with the scalpels- nothing. So I just stood there next to Kristi’s
head because that’s where the Daddy stood in the video we watched in childbirth
class. Kristi was really drugged
up, but she was very happy- her eyes showed it. I just hoped I didn’t pass out halfway through.
I watched as the made the incision, opened up Kristi’s
belly, pried the muscles apart and opened the uterus. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to see any of that, but
from where I was, I got a pretty good look at just about everything. Birthing babies is messy business. Pretty soon they reached inside and
pulled out this little white gooey thing.
It took me a second to realize that was my baby’s little feet and
bottom. They left her head inside
for a second or two while they prepared to suction the stuff out of her. I started clicking pictures because
nobody told me I couldn’t. When
they finally pulled Kayci out, she was this little wrinkled up white thing
covered in what looked like cream cheese.
She kinda looked like E.T. when he got sick in the bottom of the creek
bed. For a long moment, Kayci didn’t
make a sound. I’m sure my heart
skipped and I know I didn’t breathe.
Then, all of a sudden, she started crying- strike that- screaming. It was the sweetest sound I had ever
heard in my life. I was listening
to her little voice- that sweet little voice I had been imagining for the past
nine months. I’m sure I was
grinning like an idiot. I vaguely
remember touching Kristi and stroking her hair and feeling a lump in my
throat. I didn’t cry!
They moved Kayci immediately over to a small table where
they began cleaning her up and suctioning her out. She was still crying very hard and I followed the nurses
over to the table to watch. That’s
when the most amazing moment of my life happened. It was like a religious experience and it’s when I felt like
a Daddy for the first time. I bent
down and looked over her. The
nurses were talking to her and trying to quiet her and reassure her. I said her name and then told her hello
and introduced myself. She
immediately stopped crying, like someone turned off a switch, and just lay on
the table looking up at me. She recognized my voice! All that talking to the belly and reading stories had
suddenly paid off in one beautiful moment that just hung there in time. So I
kept talking, and she kept listening.
That went on for about twenty seconds until one of the nurses stuck a
tube down her throat to suction more gunk out. Even Daddy’s voice was no match for that. That’s about the time I remembered that
my camera took MPEG movies, so I started shooting. That piece is on the video page.
Watching her those first few minutes were truly
amazing. I remembered to look over
at Kristi, but when I did that had her uterus out and were looking it over, so
I didn’t bother looking back any more.
I turned all my attention to Kayci. They “pinked her up,” took her footprints and other stuff
that I don’t really remember.
There was just a flurry of activity. One thing that I remember clearly is that Kayci had her
first pee and poop right there on the table, just four or five minutes
old. I was so proud of her.
They finally moved Kayci and let her lay on top of
Kristi. Kristi’s hands were numb
and she was upset that she couldn’t feel Kayci, but they lay there looking at
each other for a couple of minutes.
I got some good pictures of it. Then they whisked Kayci off and told me
to come along- we were going to the nursery. In the hallway I walked next to the cart, talking to her as
we walked. She wasn’t crying by
this point, just looking up with big bright eyes and sticking her tongue out at
me. When we got to the elevator
outside the waiting room, my dad was the first one out, followed by Kristi’s
dad and then the slowpokes. They
all oohed and aahed until the elevator came and we went upstairs to the
nursery. I wasn’t allowed to go
into the nursery, but we all watched through the window as they weighed her and
took blood and gave her a bottle. Her
little legs looked like a frog’s- up around her head and out to the side. She had some big feet and long toes;
monkey toes like mine. Her hair
looked dark, but it was wet and there was a lot of gloopy stuff in it, so it
was tough to tell what color it actually was. We all stood there and watched her. I just stood there, looking at my baby-
my daughter. That lasted about
three hours.
Meanwhile, Kristi was in a recovery room. Her epidural was taking a long time to
wear off, so they had to monitor her and keep her warm. I checked in on her and gave her
updates on Kayci. Having a digital
camera and video camera came in really handy that night because I could show
Kristi video and pictures of Kayci and what was happening to her. It was killing her, not being able to
see Kayci, and I felt bad too.
We finally went to a room around one-o-clock in the
morning. There were no private
rooms available, so we had to share a room with a woman who was sleeping very
soundly. At almost 3am, they
finally brought Kayci to our room.
We held her and loved on her and looked at her and loved every second of
it. When you don’t have a
private room, no one but Mommy may stay the night. Kayci had been in the room about twenty minutes when one of
the nurses came in and told me I would have to leave and tried to enforce the
no “sleep-over” policy. That made
my blood boil and I was pretty ugly to her. She left and didn’t press the issue again. After about an hour we sent Kayci back
to the nursery so that we could try to get some sleep. It was 4am, and everyone was exhausted. Kristi slept in her room and I curled
up on the couch down in the waiting room.
It was cold, and I had forgotten to pack any jeans. I was so tired that it didn’t bother me
much. I slept for about three
hours and went back upstairs.
Before long, the nurse brought Kayci back to nurse. After she did, she went to sleep and
Kristi was still very tired and went to sleep also. So I held Kayci against my chest for over an hour. She was so cuddly it amazed me. She wrapped her little legs around my
torso and put her head on my shoulder.
As she slept, she sang. I
sang to her and cried. A flood of
emotion swept over me. It was the
best thing I have ever felt- my newborn baby in my arms and just sitting there
loving on her. I was a father now
and everything in my life- my perspective on everything- had suddenly shifted
and nothing else in the world mattered.
