12 January 2009

Fine Line Between Denial and Submission

I was on my way into Houston this morning for a pretty big appointment with my Dad's oncologist, and while I was talking to Paula I realized I hadn't handed any of this over in prayer today.  So Noble was sleeping and I had some quiet time, and I prayed.  One thing that keeps coming back to me is that I feel like I should DO something or FEEL something...but I really have peace about the whole situation.  So I was praying about that, and I wondered if maybe I'm not at peace but in denial.  And clear as day, the answer came back--there's a fine line between denial and submitting to God's will.  Maybe in this case He wants me to accept the situation for what it is and just be there for my parents as they go down this path.  That was a pretty big leap for me, and it's stuck with me all day.  

Here's the thing:  this is my Dad's fight, and it's my Mom's privilege and duty to stand beside him.  My role as a child is to stand behind them, hold them up when they get tired of fighting and then step back when they're strong enough to stand again.  I can't fight any of the battles for them, but I can be there as an observer and offer observations when they ask.  That's pretty much my role when I go with them to the different appointments, to step back and be an observer, ask questions and clarify to make sure everyone's on the same page.  

Where Dad is now:  he will have surgery soon (within the next month, it sounds like).  They'll know more about that after confirming the surgeon and meeting with him, but that's where they're heading.  Dad has asked to go to Rockport for a last fishing trip (hopefully last for a while, but realistically...) so they'll leave next week.  And after that, I think our whole world's going to be upside down for a while.  The surgery is huge, and risky.  The recovery is long and again, there are risks.  It won't be easy on either Dad or Mom, so please keep them in your prayers.   I'll keep you posted.  

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