07 August 2012

Swift Kick in the...Pride

I've said it before and I'll have to say it again--pride is such a stumbling block for me.

There's an issue I've been wrestling with for years, an area of my life that is very confusing and causes so much stress and so many bad feelings.

And associated with that is someone who I've not spoken to in years, whose name causes my stomach to ache, literally, with regret.

I've been so confused about all this for so long, and Sunday morning at church I finally, finally listened to what that still small voice was saying.


Admit it:  I was a jerk.  Yup--those exact words have been running through my mind since Sunday.  

So simple, but I've overlooked that truth for seven long years, trying to find fault everywhere else.

I was a jerk.

Admitting that to myself was eye-opening, and it led me to a larger truth:  my heart's been wrong for seven years, and I've been wandering, trying to find a path that will lead to happiness and fulfillment.  Wandering is the operative word.

My prayer is that I am able to change relationships that have been damaged by my attitude and ego this past 7 years, and possibly restore the broken friendship.  I don't know if that will happen, or how it would work...but this old friend will be getting a note in the mail from me in a couple of days, and I hope that she will forgive me.  And if she doesn't, that's her right.  But I had to confess and apologize.  Just knowing that has taken a weight off, and I'm heading into the next season refreshed and renewed, with a singleness of purpose that's been missing for way too long.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I had something similiar in my life. Took me TEN YEARS to apologize. Felt SOOOOO much better after I did. We are friends again but not as close are we were b/f. But it is AWESOME not to have that weight on my mind/heart/soul any more. Good job!!